Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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