You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
