I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
