get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
