I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
