He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
