They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
