dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
