You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
