I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
