my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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