I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
