The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
