My sheets look like a crime scene.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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