There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
