i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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