i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
