WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
