I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
