That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
