I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ok first of all what the fuck
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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