Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
