Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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