ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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