Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
