So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
