being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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