Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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