i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
