shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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