And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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