I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
