Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
