As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
