I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
