just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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