By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
