I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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