oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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