Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
