Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drake has all the answers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
