Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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