Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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