i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
