Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
