He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
