I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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