Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
