Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
