i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
